It's Shark Week! We're celebrating by chumming up the waters, I mean snow and taking a bite out of "Avalanche Sharks". A ridiculous movie about blue glowing CGI sharks and featuring bikini clad snow bunnies, the world's worst first responders, a platoon of identical looking male characters, a rickety old Sheriff with a child bride, and not one but two Olympian characters.
Its Friday the 13th weekend! So, of course we're celebrating by taking on a Friday the 13th movie. The only problem is the movie is "The 13th Friday". An indie film about a vengeful ghost and group of people so devoid of emotion that there seriously might be something clinically wrong with them. Featuring uninspired writing, elements stolen straight from much better and more successful movies, and every paranormal cliche every. This movie leaves you confused and infuriated thanks to the number of unanswered questions. The only thing that this movie gets right is the use of the dying cow sound effect, because thats what this movie is. A dying cow.
Well guys, this week the poop is on us. This week we watched the indie slasher/paranormal/whatever horror movie "Stabbed in the Face". This chaotic catastrophe of a film suffers from a total lack of identity along with the other usual suspects of bad writing, bad directing, bad acting, one dimensional characters, and awful music. Highlighted by the song "The Poops on You", which I feel is oddly appropriate, because that's what I feel this movie did to us. Not only is the poop on us, but its on everyone that was involved with this movie and any other sorry suckers that have watched this turd.
It's Gay Pride Month so we're breaking out the glitter and flying our Rainbow flags high. This week we take on the fabulously gay and fabulously awful horror movie "Kissing Darkness" An indie film starring a gay porn star and featuring awful sound, terrible acting, mostly shirtless gay guys, along with a revenge seeking ghost or vampire or demon or whatever; we're not really sure, and more bare asses then you can shake, insert something gay here, at.
Places, places everyone! The curtain is about to go up on "Stage Fright", a foreign slasher from the 80's. Featuring some pretty decent kills, overly dramatic music, bad acting, the world's noises cat (seriously, this cat has more speaking lines then some of the actors), and a killer dressed up like a bad high school mascot. Oh, I almost forgot to mention Marilyn Monroe playing the saxophone on a roof top. Will "Stage Fright" get a standing ovation and showered in roses or will it get booed off the stage? Listen in and find out.
Holy hairy Bigfoot, Moongoons! This week we go deep into the do-do forest to hunt down Bigfoot and take on "Night of the Demon". This early 80's creature feature just may be the worst movie ever made, this has it all; bad lighting, bad sound, horrible writing and abysmal acting. It's not all bad however, "Night of the Demon" does have some great gore and amazing and rememberable kills.
The school year is almost over so that means its time for finals. We studied our asses off for this week's episode "Final Exam". An early 80's slasher that features a scene that would never be seen in modern movie and a massless killer whose face you see nearly every time he's on screen. Will "Final Exam" pass the test or will it fail and be sent back to horror movie limbo?
It's Mother's Day weekend and we're celebrating all of our favorite women in our lives, our Mothers, by taking on the 1988 "Flesh Eating Mothers". This rare low budget movie just may be the perfect multi layered casserole of shit. Start with a base of awful production value, add a layer of terrible writing and directing, pile on shitty special effects, then top it off with a thick layer of some of the worst acting ever caught on film. Bake at 450 for 90 minutes, and enjoy.
What ever you do, don't answer the phone! This week Marshall and a very drunk Aaron along with a Horrible Horror line up of all-star guests take on "976-EVIL 2". Another sequel that has pretty much no connection to it's original and features horrible special effects, bad acting, biker Jesus, the world's angriest Sheriff, beautiful feathered mullets, and more nonsense than you can throw a talking boar's head at.
It's 4/20 weekend so we celebrated by lighting up and taking a giant hit from the brand new, just released "4/20 Massacre". An indie movie that despite it's name is actually pretty serious and dark. It does feature some good kills and to our surprise solid writing, however there is just too much dialogue at times. We had some mixed feelings on this film, so listen in and judge for yourself.
Oh boy! We waded a little to deep into the cesspool of shit for this week's episode. We're taking on the 1986 "Breeders". An epically awful piece of movie making that features a very rape-y alien, a doctor and cop team up that leads to an awkward and emotionless love connection, and some of the worst acting ever seen in a movie, and more virgins then an ISIS terrorist can shake his suicide bomber vest at. Oh, but we can't forget the alien sex cauldron and the sheer amount of utterly ridiculous screaming.
It's Wrestlemania weekend so we're summoning up the Devil's favorite demon, the big red machine, Kane! As we take on the 2006 WWE horror movie, "See No Evil". A slasher that features criminal asshole kids, a one armed cop in charge of said kids, and a killer with a penchant for removing eyeballs and religious tattoo fetish.
This week on our chopping block is the 1984 "The Mutilator". Listen in as we slice, dice, and chop our way through this oft forgotten about hidden gem of a slasher movie. "The Mutilator" is filled with amazing and unique kills, solid gore effects, but also features some horrendous acting and some of the worst and strangest music we've even heard in a horror movie. Oh, and the killer we believe is a super powered villain who only gets his powers from being hung-over. Enjoy!
It's St. Paddy's Day time again! So, of course that means that once again we're throwing down with our nasty little green nemesis the Leprechaun. This time we took on "Leprechaun 2", a sequel that has nothing to do with it's precursor and pretty much took everything from the original and takes a giant shit on it. The only thing that carried over is the fact that the murderous little trickster wants his gold, and we want the 90 minutes of our lives back that this God awful and completely nonsensical movie took from us.
This week we take on the listener suggested movie "Satan's Little Helper". A film that features the world's dumbest kid, a Fonz impersonating killer, a town possible filled with crazy people and two great actresses working with a garbage script.
It that time of the year again, it's time for the 3rd annual Horrible Horror March Movie Madness Tournament of Awful!. In this bonus episode we sit down and discuss which movies will make the tournament and then by random drawing we make this year's bracket. Also, just for fun we go though the entire bracket and pick which horrible movie we think will take the crown this year and be dubbed the WORST OF THE WORST!
Things are about to get real sexy up in here. This week we're getting into bed with the listener suggested "The Black Room". A "horror" movie which is closer to a soft core porno and features sex demons, useless talismans, giant plot holes, confusing "O" faces, and the best wall fucking scene in movie history. We hope you brought protection, because you're going to need it.
Get ready for a bloody Valentine's Day show down! For the first time ever we're taking two movies and pitting them in a battle to the death. Fighting out of the red corner we have the 1981 fan favorite "My Bloody Valentine" taking on it's 2009 remake "My Bloody Valentine 3D". Which one will come out victorious and be the last movie standing? Listen in to find out.
The doctor is in! You don't want to miss your appointment with this week's episode, "Dr, Giggles", This listener suggested movie is filled with more puns then you can shake an oversized reflex hammer at. Starring Holly Marie Combs (Charmed) and TWO time Emmy award winner Larry Drake, this ridiculous early 90's movie had us in stitches.
What can we say about "Lake Fear 2: The Swamp", other then that its a hot stinky pile of garbage? This film features headache inducing one dimensional college kids most with interchangeable personalities, dirty swamp people, nearly constant yelling, and one of the most nonsensical, confusing, maddening and out of place endings we've ever seen. We truly believe that there was never a real script for this movie, despite having four writers.