Happy Thanksgiving, Moongoons! This week we’re offering up a true cinematic feast, “Blood Freak”. An incredibly bizarre yet wonderfully awful piece of movie history. This one of a kind film from 1972, truly needs to be seen to fully understand and appreciate its awesome awfulness. Featuring a chain smoking narrator, drugs, Bible thumpers, the Italian Tarzan, experimental turkey meat, along with horrendous editing, horrific acting, horrible sound, the worst screaming ever heard played on a loop, and music stings that will make your ears bleed. Do yourself a favor and listen to this episode, then watch “Blood Freak” for yourself, you won’t be disappointed.
Hey, Moongoons, have you ever watched a good horror movie and then thought to yourself “Boy, I wish someone would make a stupid, and I mean a really retarded overly stupid version of this movie?” Well, if you have then “Camp Death 3 in 2D” is the movie for you. This soon to be released indie film is a spoof of the classic “Friday the 13th Part 3” and strives to be one of the stupidest movies ever made. And we think that they succeeded in that goal, probably too much so. This craziness called a movie features a cocaine addicted squirrel, puppets, speeder bike chases ripped from “Star Wars”, offensive characters and dialogue and more “F-bombs” than all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies combined.
Holy discombobulated mess, Moongoons! We don’t even know where to begin with this crazy drunken mess of an indie movie. We can tell you that it features more characters than a J.R.R. Tolken novel, including college kids, a psycho family of maniacs, ghosts, and vampires, along with a run time that lives up to both “Hell” and “Week”. Oh, did we mention that one of the vampires is a skate boarding vampire girl in lingerie?
Eight college kids camping in the woods and getting killed. It’s a tale as old as time, so you would think that it would be pretty hard to fuck it up, right? Well, the 2018 “Pledges” managed to find a way to do just that. Is this indie film a ghost movie, a demon movie, an alien movie, or a hodgepodge smash up of all of the above? The Hell if we know! All we know for sure is that we don’t know what the fuck we just watched? However, it does have surprisingly good special and visual effects and tolerable acting.
It’s Halloween weekend and we’re wrapping up our tour of haunted house themed movies with a visit to Hobb’s Grove, California to carve up “Dark Walker”. A 2003 indie movie that features a killer hippie monster with OCD, one dimensional characters devoid of personality, awful writing, California sized plot holes, and a plot that makes less and less sense as the movie goes on. However, it does have decent kills and gore for its budget and buckets upon buckets of blood. Sadly, that’s not enough to save this movie from being total garbage, so much so, that for the first time ever we actually came back after signing off to rant about this movie some more. So , stay tuned after the episode would normally end for the bonus segment.
In this special bonus mini episode host Marshall Hampton sits down with long time guest and HHP all-star Chris Samples, to drink beers and discuss “The Houses October Built 2”. The original “The Houses October Built” has gained a spot on our “all time most hated movies” list and whose sheer mention of it sends Chris into a blind rage. So, of course we had to bring him back, sit him down and force him to watch the sequel. Will this be the movie that finally makes Chris snap?
Our tour of haunted house attraction themed movies takes us “American Fright Fest”. A relatively new indie slasher starring Dylan Walsh of “Nip Tuck” fame and a now grown up Lil’ Romeo. It also features one of the highest body counts we’ve seen in a long time, but sadly it has just about as many plot holes. Can the good out weigh the bad and carry this movie across the threshold from bad to good? We were split in our opinions this week, so listen in and judge for yourself.
Halloween season is here & with it comes the mass explosion of haunted house openings!. So keeping up with that all month long we’ll be taking on movies that have a haunted house theme.S Starting with the 2012 “House of Horrors: Gates of Hell”. An indie movie that features some of the stiffest acting we’ve ever seen, demons, crappy CGI, the creative use of a grenade, and more spontaneous explosions then you can throw an exploding crucifix at.
Rock’in Rock. It’s time to squeeze into some spandex, and pull up your leg warmers. This week we’re getting sweaty with “Killer Workout”. An 80's slasher that needs to be seen to believe. It features a great soundtrack, aerobics, possibly the worst murder weapon in movie history, aerobics, bad acting, aerobics, roided out gym rats, aerobics, and kung-fu.
College kids trapped in an old theater being stalked by a killer clown, what more could you ask for? Well, a lot apparently. This week we take on the 1999 “The Clown at Midnight”. A direct to video slasher starring the awesome Christopher Plummer and features the crazy Margot Kidder, one dimensional college kids and more giant plot holes then a giant block of Swiss cheese.
This week we follow up "Night of the Living Dead 3D" with "Night of the Living Dead 3D: Re-animation". A prequel that sounds like a remake to a remake that nobody wanted. Featuring long, long stretches of dialog and hardly any zombies this may be the most boring zombie movie ever made. However, it does have a hot girl having sex with a dead guy, so there's that.
We're coming to get you, Moongoons. This week we dug up the 2006 re-make "Night of the Living Dead 3D". An abomination of a movie that no one asked for and features shoddy writing, poor effects, pot farmers, plot holes, and nonsense. On the plus side it does have a girl who spends nearly all of her screen time completely naked.
It's Shark Week! We're celebrating by chumming up the waters, I mean snow and taking a bite out of "Avalanche Sharks". A ridiculous movie about blue glowing CGI sharks and featuring bikini clad snow bunnies, the world's worst first responders, a platoon of identical looking male characters, a rickety old Sheriff with a child bride, and not one but two Olympian characters.
Its Friday the 13th weekend! So, of course we're celebrating by taking on a Friday the 13th movie. The only problem is the movie is "The 13th Friday". An indie film about a vengeful ghost and group of people so devoid of emotion that there seriously might be something clinically wrong with them. Featuring uninspired writing, elements stolen straight from much better and more successful movies, and every paranormal cliche every. This movie leaves you confused and infuriated thanks to the number of unanswered questions. The only thing that this movie gets right is the use of the dying cow sound effect, because thats what this movie is. A dying cow.
Well guys, this week the poop is on us. This week we watched the indie slasher/paranormal/whatever horror movie "Stabbed in the Face". This chaotic catastrophe of a film suffers from a total lack of identity along with the other usual suspects of bad writing, bad directing, bad acting, one dimensional characters, and awful music. Highlighted by the song "The Poops on You", which I feel is oddly appropriate, because that's what I feel this movie did to us. Not only is the poop on us, but its on everyone that was involved with this movie and any other sorry suckers that have watched this turd.
It's Gay Pride Month so we're breaking out the glitter and flying our Rainbow flags high. This week we take on the fabulously gay and fabulously awful horror movie "Kissing Darkness" An indie film starring a gay porn star and featuring awful sound, terrible acting, mostly shirtless gay guys, along with a revenge seeking ghost or vampire or demon or whatever; we're not really sure, and more bare asses then you can shake, insert something gay here, at.
Places, places everyone! The curtain is about to go up on "Stage Fright", a foreign slasher from the 80's. Featuring some pretty decent kills, overly dramatic music, bad acting, the world's noises cat (seriously, this cat has more speaking lines then some of the actors), and a killer dressed up like a bad high school mascot. Oh, I almost forgot to mention Marilyn Monroe playing the saxophone on a roof top. Will "Stage Fright" get a standing ovation and showered in roses or will it get booed off the stage? Listen in and find out.
Holy hairy Bigfoot, Moongoons! This week we go deep into the do-do forest to hunt down Bigfoot and take on "Night of the Demon". This early 80's creature feature just may be the worst movie ever made, this has it all; bad lighting, bad sound, horrible writing and abysmal acting. It's not all bad however, "Night of the Demon" does have some great gore and amazing and rememberable kills.
The school year is almost over so that means its time for finals. We studied our asses off for this week's episode "Final Exam". An early 80's slasher that features a scene that would never be seen in modern movie and a massless killer whose face you see nearly every time he's on screen. Will "Final Exam" pass the test or will it fail and be sent back to horror movie limbo?
It's Mother's Day weekend and we're celebrating all of our favorite women in our lives, our Mothers, by taking on the 1988 "Flesh Eating Mothers". This rare low budget movie just may be the perfect multi layered casserole of shit. Start with a base of awful production value, add a layer of terrible writing and directing, pile on shitty special effects, then top it off with a thick layer of some of the worst acting ever caught on film. Bake at 450 for 90 minutes, and enjoy.